so far, so good.

I'm feeling it. That I'm-in-the-driver's-seat feeling.

I am Alexander Haig and I AM IN CHARGE HERE (that one's for you, adam).

It feels good.

I faced down mall food courts, Ikea meatballs, chocolate cookies with hazelnut filling, and a sushi menu yesterday, and I came out on top.

Temptation, you are no match for The Bird!

I feel like I should start tossing folding chairs (that one's for you, too, baby).

chugga chugga chugga...

I am doing this. I am doing this. I am doing this. I am doing this. I am doing this.

i will not miss working nights, however.

I'm settling in for my last night in the college library where I've been working the past couple of years. Classes end today so there isn't a soul around, and I predict a very quiet evening, just the way I like it. I'm so grateful to have found this job when I did -- it fit perfectly into my life and gave me a lot of valuable experience. My boss has been wonderful, and I'm hoping that she'll still want to be my friend even when I don't work for her... I mean, I still want to be her friend even though she's not going to keep paying me...

I've been pretty good at keeping new-job anxiety at bay so far. It's my nature to worry, without pause, up until a new job starts. On the bright side, I've historically fretted so viscerally and so imaginatively, I probably burned quite a few calories in the process. Maybe I'm becoming mellow in my old age, but this time around I'm taking my hands off the worry wheel and trying to focus on enjoying the calm and the quiet before the whirlwind of the new job begins.

I have two goals for the next two weeks: 1) Relax and 2) Take Control of That Which Is In My Power (i.e. healthy eating, getting paperwork squared away, cleaning my house, and tidying up my person in order to make a good impression).

And no, these two goals are not mutually exclusive. I find control exceptionally relaxing.

self coaching.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

don't we all want to be julia?

I'm back at home after a nice weekend out at the farm with the family. We celebrated Julia Child's belated birthday by enjoying several of her recipes from Mastering the Art of French Cooking. I contributed her Baked Cucumbers with Dill. Imagine warm, buttery pickles... but good. Really, they were quite tasty! I'm fairly sure I ingested a good stick of butter today, and a bit too much French wine. C'est la vie. Joyeux Anniversaire, Julia!

Tomorrow, it will be exactly two weeks until I start my new job, and it may be the kick in the pants I need to start walking the straight and narrow again. When I'm on track with my eating and my weight loss, those positive feelings and confidence spread into the other areas of my life. I feel, dare I say, empowered. And I know that when I start this new exciting, challenging (scary) job, I'm going to need to feel like my best, most powerful self. And a couple weeks of getting my diet under control is an excellent way for me to reintroduce myself to my inner rock star.

u-turn?

So, after that self-flagellation yesterday, I actually stayed on plan. This morning I faced my fear and stepped on the scale, and it wasn't nearly as scary as I expected (isn't that always the way?). Forcing my eyes open and looking down at the numbers on the scale is one of the ways that I prevent all hell from breaking loose. Ignorance is not bliss when it comes to my weight, because when I shut my eyes to the consequences of my actions, those consequences seem monstrous in my head. And that makes me feel that the war has been lost, so why bother fighting the small battles. But now that I've recognized that I haven't actually gained twenty pounds in the last week, I feel motivated to fight on.