Alive.

Busy. Bleary-eyed. Vacillating stress levels. Coffee. Gym orientation this morning. Severely out of shape. Desperate to feng shui my cube. Need to find post-work satisfaction. Sewing classes? Maybe.

the transition continues.

I'm getting to the end of my first week of work, and today I finally began to feel like my head was starting to break the surface of the water.

Day 1 was fine -- orientation and a slightly overwhelming session with the boss in which my new responsibilities were laid out. Day 2 was very stressful. Day three was, too. And today, I felt like I was beginning -- just beginning -- to feel like I might actually be able to do this job, maybe even well.

The whole "get there slightly before the boss, and stay slightly after she leaves" works gangbusters. She patted me on the shoulder today and told me to go home. When I showed her the color-coded system I was implementing for myself (I didn't inherit any filing system -- I'm inventing it for myself, which is kind of freaking awesome, and kind of overwhelming) she looked at me and said "OK, now you're kind of scaring me." Now THAT is what I need to hear to hop out of bed in the morning whistling a happy tune.

As for eating, this week can best be described as "panic eating." I toss back lunch as quickly as humanly possible, forget to eat for hours and hours, drive home and try to find something edible in my bare kitchen. This will all smooth out with time, of this I am sure.

I had blood tests and an EKG at the on-site health center this morning so that I'll be allowed to use the company fitness center, so that was one good healthy step I took this week. Loved, loved LOVED the technician who did all the tests -- would it be weird for me to just hang out with her in the health center? Yeah, probably.

I'll be completing the physical next week, and then I'll be all set for the gym. I may hold off on joining until it's cold and yucky outside, because for the time being I'm much happier to throw on some sneakers and explore the hiking trails around the campus... yes, they have hiking trails.

I've died and gone to Corporate Nirvana. Too bad about the "Corporate" part.

decision made.

I had my first day of work today. I'm still so pooped this is going to be short -- as Adam said, my biorhythms aren't aligned with the 9-to-5 grind yet. Indeed.

After feeling all jacked up on nerves last night, I didn't sleep very well, but adrenaline got me through the day. I was oriented for a couple hours, and then met with my boss to go over my duties. To say I'm feeling overwhelmed is an understatement. I'm really going to be stretching my abilities in many domains all at once. This is going to be interesting. Very interesting. God, I hope I can do this.

I got an email from the director at Job A -- the one that was hoping to lure me back. She wrote me this very nice, encouraging email that basically said she felt bad about making me feel torn about what to do, and that she thinks I should really throw myself into Job B and learn lots, kicks ass and take names, and all that. She's decided to restructure the division of duties at her library and outsource a bit of the work, so that she won't actually be hiring a new staff member at this point. This is actually EXCELLENT news because a) I can now feel completely committed to job B without feeling torn and b) this means that when/if the full time position opens up next year due to a librarian retiring, she won't have to promote from within (since it's civil service) and can hire from outside -- i.e. me, if I want it.

OK, time for some well earned vegging in front of Bones with a nice glass of chardonnay.

Peace out y'all.

is the universe trying to tell me something?

OK, I'm freaking out over here.

Remember Job A and that glowing rejection letter? Well, I had lunch with that woman today (who I absolutely adore), and discovered that the chick who got the job quit this morning! Now she's offering me the job with a promise of a big promotion in 7 months, and an even bigger one down the line (as in managing my own library). But she knows that I've lined up this other great gig. So she suggested that I try the other job on for a week, and then let her know if I want to abandon ship and come work for her.

I don't know what to do!

Each situation has certain things going for it. Job A feels more like me (i.e. it's not corporate), there is a clear path for advancement, and I think my boss would be a true mentor. Job B is more financially lucrative (but only a bit more once the Job A promotion went into effect), great benefits immediately, and it will stretch me in a new direction professionally. Job A is working with the public which is rewarding, but can also be exhausting. Job B is working in a private company, shielded from the world to a large degree, but also less chance of frontline burnout (although maybe I'd burn out on the corporate lifestyle...).

Considering the state of the economy and the difficulty of getting a job these days, I know that I am very, very lucky. I'm so grateful for this "problem" but I'll be tossing and turning tonight.